Comings and goings are a part of normal life. Everyone has “stuff” they need to do.
Does your dog greet you with overwhelming enthusiasm when you come home? Every time? Even if all you did was take out the trash?
Or maybe your dog starts to fuss when she sees you gathering your “stuff” ready to leave the house. We know of one case where the dog actually stood between the owner and the door.
That enthusiasm is adorable. Your dog loves you and wants to be with you. But being emotional about comings and goings can lead to issues like separation anxiety if you let it continue.
Kind of a big deal
If an owner makes a big deal out of leaving her dog – hugging, kissing, telling the dog “mommy will be home soon,” etc. chances are the dog will think that leaving is, in fact, a big deal.
It’s also a mistake when an owner comes home and the first thing they do is drop everything to hug their dog and say “mommy missed you so much.”
Even if it’s true, as it is for many of us, it’s not a good idea to let the dog know that’s how you feel. If dogs could reason like people, they’d obviously ask why they weren’t invited along on the outing. Since they aren’t able to understand exactly what’s going on, a “normal” response is to pick up on the owner’s emotion and get emotional themselves.
What’s a “big deal” to you will also be for your dog. They may not be able to understand every word we say, but they have uncanny abilities to pick up on our feelings.
Make it matter-of-fact
Instead of making a production out of going out without your dog, decide on a routine. Try not to rush around the house gathering the items you’ll need. Instead, have a designated spot, ideally near the door, that you gather items like keys, phone, etc.
The key to leaving without drama is not to conceal what you’re doing from your dog, but to make it so normal that the dog accepts it without fuss.
When you’re ready, the last thing to do is to give your dog a special treat he only gets when you leave. In our house it’s a vanilla-yogurt-filled treat-dispensing toy that’s been in the freezer. Be creative when filling the toy – sometimes there’s a special treat of blueberries in the yogurt!
When our dogs see us reaching for their “we have to leave now” toys, they make mad dashes to their designated spots. If they could talk, the dialog would be:
“Where’s my toy? Thanks! See ya!”
Our dogs know we’re leaving. They just don’t really care. We like it that way.
Coming home
We practice what we preach coming home, too. We walk in, matter-of-factly put on collars and leashes, and take the dogs outside. We may not even speak to them until they’ve “done their business.” It’s just a routine part of the day – no reason to get worked up about it.
When we come back in the house, a set of toys gets filled and popped into the freezer, so we’re always ready.
Avoiding melodrama
One of the roots of anxiety is not knowing what to expect. If you build a normal routine into your comings and goings, your dog will know what’s going to happen. You’re going to leave. And then, after a good doggy nap, you’re going to come home. Every single time. Having a routine will let your dog recognize “normal” and regularize it.
